This has been my first Mother’s Day without my Nana. I felt her on Sunday, I did. However, for some reason, it is hitting more today for the first time in awhile. There are so many other times where have felt her presence more, and it is beyond random.
It has happened when hiking, walking, paddling, and very occasionally driving. I will see something, and out of nowhere WHAM there’s Nana. I am a deeply spiritual person, and a lot of the emotion I express via writing. It just comes out better than if I do it verbally.
The time I spent with my Nana before she died was directly related to my business. It gave me the time freedom to go down to the shore, and give my Nana a facial and spend time during the week. My flexibility gave me the time I needed to be with my family. There are two things that matter to me more than other part of my life: my family and my friends. You mess with either of them, and you will regret it.
I get struck by these emotions and sentiments at odd times. Generally when I’m tired, and my guard is down. I got to have a final conversation with my Nana that others in my family didn’t get to have. I would have given ANYTHING so they could have had that conversation that they so deserve.
She is with me. In every heart ache, every barrier broken, every adventure, and every celebration. She is there, and always will be.
My mission in life right now is that no one else that I know, specifically, has to endure that hurt. They get to have that option, freedom, and say in their own god*&mn life. It’s not about me, and it never really was. But this just got real.