There is not much that makes me cry or even tear. There are a few things that do: highly emotional events, friends and family support, and nature connection.
I experienced a highly emotional family event in February-my Nana died at 96 years young. I say young because she was the initial badass, and she remains an inspiration to me this day. Those that know me, know that I will do anything for my family and friends.
I am going to fast forward to six months ago. There have been a number of people on my personal growth journey that have been instrumental, and they know who they are. When my Nana died, of course my blood family came together, but two other families gave me supported that I would not have thought fathomable about a year before. My Arbonne family and my paddling family, and they were some of the first to reach out to me. Reading my facebook entries and the condolescenes made this entry crystallize. This entry has actually strayed far from my original inspiration, and it doesn’t matter. This is why I write to let stuff out and process.
I lost my way. I lost sight of the goal. I even lost my belief that I could do it for a brief period of time.
Everyone gets in those periods. And most people need a kick in the ass to get them out of it.
I had just such a kick, except it was mostly a kick from myself (yes, I had help). I re-read a lot of my entries from February and March just now, and said “what the fuck are you doing right now!? Get your ass in gear, and make Nana proud.”
Except unlike February and March, I realized it’s about making MYSELF proud. She was already proud of me. Now, it’s about changing and getting out of my own damn way.