Guilt and Forgiveness

Forgiveness
is a
tricky
thing,

Especially
if it is
for
yourself.

Guilt
is
fear
wrapped up
in
emotion.

I wasn’t
ready
for
what
you
wanted.

I should
have
been
more
Open

But
I

Just
couldn’t.

Until
it
became
too
Real
to
Ignore.

I
Broke
your
Heart,
cruelly.

With
no
Explanation

I’ve
been
carrying
that

Guilt

in
my
Soul
like
an
emotional
Lynchpin.

It’s
time
to
remove
it

and

Live
and
maybe
even
Love.

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Remembering and Honoring

There will be a slew of 9/11 posts, and these are my thoughts on the anniversary of that tragic day.
It is the eve on the anniversary of September 11th, and I find myself reflective.  The level of chaos, tragedy, and sheer sense of loss was unparalleled in my lifetime.  It is one that none of us will forget where we were when we found out that the two towers fell, and the utter devastation that was caused by fanatics.

It was one of the worst days in America’s recent history, and the biggest act of terrorism on our soil since Pearl Harbor.  Thousands of people didn’t get to come home, hundreds more were injured, and countless first responders still suffer side effects.  We honor their memory tomorrow.

9/11 thoughts by Stacey Alcorn.

9/11 thoughts by Stacey Alcorn.

If there was one good thing that came out of 9/11, it was unity.  The act of terrorism united us as a country not seen since world war II, and it was kind of amazing to watch.  Blood donations skyrocketed; Red Cross was inundated with people, money, and supplies;  people volunteering for EMTs and fire fighters rose dramatically, and the world kind of stopped being just about our lives for awhile.

People started reevaluating their lives, and realized money isn’t always everything.  Life is short, precious, and we take for granted that there will be more time with loved ones.  Sometimes there isn’t.  Treasure each day, and live it with love.  That is what 9/11 should stand for, and what we should honor tomorrow and every day.

Downpour

Downpour

Caught
in a
downpour

Unexpected
violent
awesome.

Walking
out
my
feelings
and
thoughts.

It starts off
as a
sprinkle,
then
steady,
then
deluge.

I bask
in
its
fury

It feels
surprisingly
perfect

Like a
Cleansing,
almost
baptism
by
nature.

The last
two
months
of
self-doubt

Washed

away
like
footprints
in
the
surf.

Self-Esteem and Hope

I have struggled with self-esteem for most of my life, and didn’t really realize it was an issue until about three years ago.  There are people in your life that will make you feel small.  It is often a reflection of themselves, and it has very little to do with you. They can be relentless with it at times, and hopefully, they don’t realize the damage they are doing throughout the years. The damage is there regardless of the intent, but you have to let go of it and realize they were doing the best they could with what they had.  The remedy?  Surround yourself with positive, like-minded, people who repel negativity and bring out the best in you.  Surround yourself with success.  You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with, and that is a fact.

Part of my paddling family down taken in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Part of my paddling family down taken in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Their struggle will become your struggle, if you let it.  Their need to make you feel less will resurface at times of struggle, stress, and/ or bad mood. When that happens, it is important to separate yourself from the situation, preferably physically, but if not at least mentally.  It is best to keep their energy separate from theirs, and don’t let them “infect” you with their negativity.  I ask the universe to separate my energy from theirs, and wish them the best, but their energy can no longer harm me.  I know how this reads, but it works. I’ve done it, at first skeptically, and then with conviction. This is where the science portion is revealed because when you actually feel their energy leaving your body and your soul, you will literally feel lighter and your mood will improve.

Surprisingly often, the culprit to make yourself feel small is YOU.  This is especially true if you’ve dealt with self-esteem and confidence issues for a long period of time.  This is where my friend says, “the devil is trying to keep you small.”  Don’t Let that Happen.  You deserve better than to be small.  Everyone in this world was born to achieve greatness, and often times that greatness gets beaten down to the size of a fingernail by the time we reach 18.  It’s just the way human beings seem to roll.  We get told enough times that we can’t do something, or it’s unrealistic, and we start to believe it.

anything you want copy 2

It’s a mindset, a belief, and a way of life to believe in yourself.  It takes practice and discipline to keep those demons banished.  If the devil wins, which may happen on occasion, PROVE IT WRONG.  Get your ass up, do what you intended to do, and don’t let yourself stay small again.  Pardon the cliché, it may have won the battle, but make sure you Win the war.  The war is on your own mind, and on the relationships around you that are toxic.  Be bigger than the devil, be bigger than your demons, and be the evidence for yourself. Once you believe that you CAN be all those things you thought you couldn’t be or do, magic starts to happen in every aspect of your life.

Once you realize you deserve greatness, to be your own person, to be happy, and to succeed in life, you will have beaten the devil.  It may come knocking, but once equipped, your job is to beat its ass down and say, “sorry, you have been evicted.”