Moments

Have you ever have one of those moments where you realize you are the not the person you perceive yourself to be?  Or at the very least, the person people used to know.

know me last year

 

I was at dinner with friends of my parents, one of them my English professor at community college, we all had dinner together.  They really didn’t say anything, and they didn’t really have to.  I felt it, as odd as that sounds.  They noticed and felt something different.

I have taken control of my life; more than that, I have taken responsibility for it.  I am done letting my circumstances control me.  I am done letting my living situation control different aspects of my life.  I am done thinking that people owe me something just because of whatever reason.

This is my life.  I have fought, grown, persevered, and built a life that I am proud of.   I am building a life I can not only survive, but thrive, on my own.

I cannot control if others are proud of me.  I can’t, and I didn’t even realize I was trying to until about a two weeks ago.  I am proud of myself, of my decision to be responsible, and to let go by an invisible rope of financial means.

I AM DONE. Proving myself to others that don’t understand me, my motivations, and my life choices.

This year has been one of growing, building, destroying internal walls, and severe personal, emotional pain.  All of that equal THIS realization.

This moment of “I don’t give a frak what happens”.  It’s a choice, it’s amazing, it’s gold, and it’s coming.  And it’s worth it.

And, you know what?  It IS about me.  Just a little.  Because you have to believe you are worth the life of millionaires to get there.  You have to believe you are worth inspiring and leading thousands of lives.  If you don’t believe you intrinsically are worth all of those things, rethink.

This is from a recovering sarcastic, invisible person, who didn’t believe I was worthy of much at all-you need to believe that you are.  Surprisingly, people pay attention.

If I can work through an immense amount of self-doubt, pain, and personal growth, trust me you can too.  (Find a mentor).

Why?  Because YOU, yes you, are worth it.  Maintain a giving, selfless heart if that is your nature, but understand that you are worth everything that want and for others.

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