New Beginnings

I had a conversation with a mentor and one of my best friends recently about my attire.  It’s well established that I am a treehugging, hippie, paddler who likes nothing more than cargo pants and some quick drying layer (usually fleece or tech shirt).  I own a lot of men’s clothing of every variety.  I have a plethora of men’s pants because at one time, either in reality or in my head, I believed that I could only wear mens pants because of my muscular thighs.  I love them.  I have worn them for YEARS.  They are comfy, baggy, practical, and just a staple of my wardrobe outside of my Arbonne attire.

However, they are no longer serving me.  I have done a shit ton of personal growth, a lot of which was painful, some extremely.  All necessary, and all infinitely worth it.  My mentor told me recently to get rid of all my men’s pants that were ill-fitting.  For my job (not Arbonne, I sell work boots) I am regularly crawling around on the floor, searching through boxes, climbing up ladders, often get covered in dust, etc.  I do not wear nice things at work for this reasons.  I literally have work pants and go out pants because my knees always get worn out.

I initially went full out against this idea, because who cares what I look as I crawl around looking for boots, digging through boxes, or carrying heavy, dust laden boxes down the stairs?  I never had.  Perhaps-no definitely-I should.

Where I work is not glamorous, by any stretch of the imagination.   I sell work boots and work clothing, primarily.  I really like where I work, and have worked there on and off since I was 16.  It’s flexible, family owned and operated, and locally owned store in the Hunterdon County area.  It’s also different than anything you have probably been in, in the best kind of way.

The work boot area where I work in particular is quite different from what you may think.  It’s extensive, massive, and we have boots everywhere in the stock room.  I came to the realization today that just because it’s not the most classy place or the cleanest doesn’t make a difference in the pride I should have in working there.  There’s a reason I have worked there since I was 16.  I truly do love it there.  We have something for everyone. I  take pride in that, and therefore I should take pride in what I wear there.

I don’t need to be a diva.  I would like to be practical and classy.  The two are not mutually exclusive, despite me thinking that until recently.  I can do my job effectively, look classy, and not destroy my clothes.

The crazy thing is this is one of the hardest things she’s asked to me to do.  By the way, they have all been awesome and totally worth it.  The personal growth, while not easy, I did it quite willingly and without question.  This I questioned, and whined, until I realized that this out of all the other things she’s suggested I do, have caused me the most up-front mental hurdle.

Why?  Because my old self is trying to hide my badass figure from society.  I am worth it.  I am worth all the attention to my mind, body, and soul.  In personal growth,  there is always another piece to fill in your jigsaw puzzle.  This was a big one.

Self-Esteem and Hope

I have struggled with self-esteem for most of my life, and didn’t really realize it was an issue until about three years ago.  There are people in your life that will make you feel small.  It is often a reflection of themselves, and it has very little to do with you. They can be relentless with it at times, and hopefully, they don’t realize the damage they are doing throughout the years. The damage is there regardless of the intent, but you have to let go of it and realize they were doing the best they could with what they had.  The remedy?  Surround yourself with positive, like-minded, people who repel negativity and bring out the best in you.  Surround yourself with success.  You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with, and that is a fact.

Part of my paddling family down taken in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Part of my paddling family down taken in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Their struggle will become your struggle, if you let it.  Their need to make you feel less will resurface at times of struggle, stress, and/ or bad mood. When that happens, it is important to separate yourself from the situation, preferably physically, but if not at least mentally.  It is best to keep their energy separate from theirs, and don’t let them “infect” you with their negativity.  I ask the universe to separate my energy from theirs, and wish them the best, but their energy can no longer harm me.  I know how this reads, but it works. I’ve done it, at first skeptically, and then with conviction. This is where the science portion is revealed because when you actually feel their energy leaving your body and your soul, you will literally feel lighter and your mood will improve.

Surprisingly often, the culprit to make yourself feel small is YOU.  This is especially true if you’ve dealt with self-esteem and confidence issues for a long period of time.  This is where my friend says, “the devil is trying to keep you small.”  Don’t Let that Happen.  You deserve better than to be small.  Everyone in this world was born to achieve greatness, and often times that greatness gets beaten down to the size of a fingernail by the time we reach 18.  It’s just the way human beings seem to roll.  We get told enough times that we can’t do something, or it’s unrealistic, and we start to believe it.

anything you want copy 2

It’s a mindset, a belief, and a way of life to believe in yourself.  It takes practice and discipline to keep those demons banished.  If the devil wins, which may happen on occasion, PROVE IT WRONG.  Get your ass up, do what you intended to do, and don’t let yourself stay small again.  Pardon the cliché, it may have won the battle, but make sure you Win the war.  The war is on your own mind, and on the relationships around you that are toxic.  Be bigger than the devil, be bigger than your demons, and be the evidence for yourself. Once you believe that you CAN be all those things you thought you couldn’t be or do, magic starts to happen in every aspect of your life.

Once you realize you deserve greatness, to be your own person, to be happy, and to succeed in life, you will have beaten the devil.  It may come knocking, but once equipped, your job is to beat its ass down and say, “sorry, you have been evicted.”