Moving On

The worst part of moving on is realizing that you’ve been a jackass for way too long.  I had been clinging in some odd way to my previous life.  It was like I owed my previous life of co-dependence something.  I don’t, and I won’t any longer.

fear pass, regret not

Being vulnerable is a love-hate relationship with me.  This blog is definitely a part of that journey.  I express myself much better in writing than I do at any other form, so this blog is a major source of release and equal scariness.  I can connect with people on a way I rarely feel comfortable doing.  Real, vulnerable, scary, and it’s all me.  When I am with people in public, even most of my friends, they rarely see any of the above.  Unless my guard is down.

This entry is going to be a bunch of free-thought.   If you don’t follow it, that’s okay.  If you don’t like it, equally okay.  I haven’t been writing as much, which is always a red-flag for me. We are all in a battle for dominance in our own heads.  It is our will that determines whether the ego or our true self wins.

The Beginning

My life has been a series of transitions, as I think most people’s are.  For me, I found myself in college.  I didn’t have to be invisible anymore in college.  I agree this is often a theme on my blog, but it’s an important one.  I was actually for the first comfortable with myself and other people.  High school were not the best years of my life, it was full of years of hiding and pretending I was okay.  It was also were I had way better relationships with my teachers than with my peers.

Next transition was home from college.  I was back to being self-conscious and apologizing all the time when I got my first “professional” job.  There are many amazing things that came from that first job, but the best was being fired.  It led to a series of things that brought me to my friend Jenny.  Who introduced me to Arbonne, the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

The Middle

The transition into entrepreneur was much longer than I thought it should have been.   The amazing thing about being in network marketing and entrepreneur enterprise in general is there is no time table.  I have finally taking control of most of my life, and it’s the best thing I could have ever hoped it to be.  There are more transitions to go, but this one was where I knew I could kick ass and change lives at the same time.

And yet, I still had not yet let go of my co-dependency.  I still lived under a roof that was both freeing and oppressive.  It was weird and it was not a home anymore.  I finally broke that cord in August.

personal style

Adulthood

I didn’t realize I hadn’t moved on from that until this week.  I have my apartment set up with the major things:  bed, kitchen table, kitchen stuff, and internet.  What I don’t have is a way to have people there.  Which would make it permanent.

I don’t think I truly realized what I big step that was until a few days ago.  This is truly my space.  It is no one else’s.  It is scary, amazing, and truly inspiring.  I will be free from the co-dependency when I realize that I am doing this.  That this space is mine.  I created it, decorated it, and am living in it like an adult.

Moving on is painful and necessary.  This is another step into a journey of greatness.  As usual, my head gets in the way of my progress.  It’s not even my head, it’s my ego playing to my insecurities.  We are all in a battle in our own minds for dominance.  It always depends who wins the war, not the battle.  I will win this war at any cost.  Because I deserve better and so does every one else in my life.  It starts and ends with you.

Advertisements

Ego and Quitting

I am not known to quit much of anything.  I am blind, stupid stubborn.  This was true in softball, college, and kayaking.  I take it as a challenge when I can’t do something and work to improve it, and even more so when someone tells me I can’t do it for XX bullshit reason.  I will prove you (or myself) wrong or be damned before I quit.

Rare people who don't quit.  stolen from the interwebs.

Rare people who don’t quit. stolen from the interwebs.

I would say the majority of people are not like this.  It’s so much easier to quit; we quit people, hobbies, sports, and jobs.  Why put up the hassle of doing a skill(s) and then possibly failing?  The reason is because if you don’t try, fail, and get your ass back up, you’d never get anywhere.  You also wouldn’t learn anything.  You wouldn’t learn that scrapes and ego heal.  Scrapes are easy, egos are a little bit more delicate.

So why persevere?  There is no greater feeling of achievement and pride than when you fought, learned, and achieved command of a skill you persevered to learn.  NONE.  It feels so good.  When that magical day happens, you have gone through the 4 stages of learning (disclaimer these are mine and my wacky brains’ alone):

1)  try- which leads to 2 options
a) conquer
b)  failure
2)  learn your mistakes
3)  practice your form
4)  Skill

The last step is worth all the aggravation of the other three.