Playin’

I’ve
been

Playin’
at

Greatness

for
Over
a
Year.

Struggling
to

understand

Why.

until

Now.

Afraid

of
Who
I was

Becoming.

being
Known,

Rejection

by the
people

I
hold

Closest.

all
Ludicrous.

I’ve been
through

so
much

Worse
and had

Acceptance.

during
the
Dark
bouts

in my

Life.

and
Yet

the

Thought
of

Success

and

Independence

Stunted
me
into

Mediocrity.

I’m
Bigger
than

That.

I
Deserve

to
Thrive

Success
and

Freedom.

I am

Not
Going

to
Back

Down
this

Time.

to

Fear

Judgment,

ultimately

Shame.

for

embodying

my
Whole

Heart.

I
no

Longer
feel

Obliged
to

Hide.

Life
is

Discovered

in the

Discomfort

of
Growth.

it is
There

you

Find
Your

Truth

and

Acceptance

of your

Greater
Self.

Change and Fear

Change

It is

Painful

Difficult

impossibly
Uncomfortable.

Our subconscious

Pushes

against

Change

with a
Fervor

as if

Molting into
a

Better you
is

Life
Threatening.

because

It
Is.

Not
of your

Body.

of

your

Mindset of Belief.

This is
the

Holy shit

Pit of your
Stomach

Terrifying

Penetrating

type of

Fear.

that comes
with

Visceral

Change.

When you are

Ready to

Molt
Your

Suffering

Skin of

Self-doubt

and

Worthiness.

You must
Grab onto it

before Doubt
sets in

to Become
the

Grit

necessary

to Face
the

Demons

Fears

Judgment

and finally

PAIN

that have

Pinned

you like an

Anchor

to
the
floor.

of

Guilt

Judgment

Shame

for
your

Entire

Life.

It is

Time
to

Win the

War

of a thousand

Battles

once and

for

All.

Light and Shadow

I
Breathe
in
the

Cold,
Damp
air

as
Darkness
surrounds.

Light
is
bouncing Off
the River
in a
kind of

Dance.

I Let
the
Darkness
Surround
my

Five
Senses

as I
Submerse
myself

in the

Restorative
Energy
of

Light

and

Shadow.

Indicators of Purpose

I was
Never a
Believer in
positive thinking,
Fate, etc.

Self-help
“Crap” I
called it.

Until I
started to
use it,
adapt it,
and
Practice it.

And I was
dumbfounded
that it
Works.

As a
Scientist,

I
Adapt
to

Information

and
Evidence.

A few seconds
sooner,
the
Outcome
would have
Been much
Different.

It is clear
the Universe,
God, or
whichever your
Diety is,
has a bigger
Plan for
Me.

Fate.

Another
line I
Never
thought I’d
believe in.

It is
not
These
moments
that
Define

Us.

It is
What
we
Do
in the

Moments

After
Impact
that

are
Indicators of
Purpose.

It is
Continued
Consistency

after
Impact
that

Reveals
one’s
True

Intentions.

The Shift

Every
Life
Shift

is a
Call

for a

Mental
Reset.

a
Sign of
personal
Progress

Towards
being
the
Best

You.

You’ve
got to
Build

towards
the

Shift.

this isn’t
Magic,
it’s
Work.

My life
and
Mind
has been
Preparing
me

for This

Shift
Moment.

It is a
Break.

signifying
Rebirth
from the
Ashes
of

Poverty.

of
Spirit
and
Mind.

It is
Time
to

Break
the

Cycle of

Doubt.

to
Severe
Limiting
Ties

And
live a
Brave
new
Life
of
Expectation

and
Decided
Determination.

New Reality

This poem reflects about my current evolution of moving into my own place for the first time.  Enjoy 🙂

 

New Reality

sometimes
Revisiting
your

Previous
life

Causes

Reflection
Emotion
Pain

like tonight.

I came
back for
an evening.

the
Range
of

Emotions
are

Staggering
and

Perplexing.

It
feels

Foreign.

it’s now
Just a

place.

not a

home.

but
familiar.

What I
think it
may be
like for
amnesia
Victims.

Lost,
Open,
Vulnerable,
Afraid

also

Free.

I am no
longer

Shackled

by
my
Surroundings

I
Embrace

Love

Immerse

myself in
Them.

Blank

Slate
has a

completely
Different

Meaning
to me.

Another
Life,

Chapter,

Being,

Self.

 

Never Left

There are
days
where I
don’t
feel you
at All.

Then there
are
Days
where You
are
Fully
a Part
of my
Being

Almost like
an
Alien
has Taken
over my
Soul.

Like you
Never
Left

Us.

Then the
Pain

Resumes.

I
Remember
sitting by
your
Side
during

Hospice

I
Read
your
Diary
to
You
as you

Sleep

of your
Travels.

with your
Sister.

I
Remember
how much you
Liked I
When I used
to
Read to
You.

All while

Me
thinking

This is
NOT
My
Nana.

You
went out
on your
Terms.

In
true
Megill-Hubbs
Tradition.

Disappointment

The
moment
when
you Realize
They are
Not
the
person you
Thought
they were.

When
Reality
that you
Cannot
drop
Everything,
and
wait
while
they get their
Shit
together.

They
realize,
you have

Changed.

While
they
haven’t.

When
You
realize
that you
have to
factor

Yourself
and
others Relying
on
You
into the
Equation.

Since it
is no
Longer

Just about
the

Shit

You will
Put up
With.

It’s
how it
Affects

Ones
Mindset.

The
rigidity
of your
words,
attitude
still

Haunts
my
Mind

But soon,
it won’t
Matter.

they
won’t
Change,
and
Accept
it’s Not

about
their
Needs
all the
Time.

Uninvisible

I’ve
led
my
life
Making
myself
be
Invisible.

Letting
others
take
Credit,
while
I was
in the
Shadows.

it was to
Fit in,
to Belong

Because
even the
Illusion of
Belonging
was better
than no semblance
at all.

It was
an
Empty
hope

I kept
myself
small,
Hidden

to
Everyone.

Until

The
Painful
Self-discovery
of
My
Own

Worthiness.

Proved
me
Wrong.

I am
not
Perfect.

I am
still
Worth
Knowing.

I
AM
Not
Be
Invisible.

I
Am
a
Force.

I
am
Enough.

Just as
I
Am.

Untitled – 10/6/15

Untitled

The
memory
as
vivid
as
a
movie.

I was
completely
Broken.

The Girls
behind me
were
bashing
my seat
with their
Knees.

They asked
Did
I Care?

I said,
blankly,
No.  I
don’t.

It
Didn’t.
Nothing
Did.

It was
the
Start
of the
Wall.

The
Start
of
Isolation.

The
Beginning
of so
many
Destructive,
Protective

habits.

and
they
All
Worked.

until
they
Didn’t.

Isolation,
poverty,
Walls
can
only
last
so
Long.

Before
I
Craved
something
Better.

Connection.

and
Life.