There are so many intangibles for fear as an adult. As a kid the intangibles are clear and straight forward for the most part, the dark, monsters, etc. The one least discussed for adults is the fear of success. It may sound like an oxymoron, but it’s more prevalent than you may think.
There is a certain sense of responsibility when it comes to success. Whether it be for other people (management), financially (raise), or even just to yourself, and it can be daunting. This is especially true if you have low confidence, morale, and general low self-worth. If people didn’t expect you to achieve highly, and you’ve been told that (hopefully inadvertently) you couldn’t do certain things for whatever reason. It is a monumental task to mentally overcome that mindset. To defeat it, you have to force yourself to personally grow, and to grow into BELIEVING you are WORTHY of love and success. It’s a daily, demanding battle to change that story you have told yourself your entire life. And it is worth all of the effort to achieve believing in your own self-worth.
It is here that you will feel worthy of success. It starts and ends with you. You have to change, you have to want it, and you have to be viligant. And you will feel free. There will still be those days where you want to retreat into your “old” story. Don’t let yourself…fight for your new found freedom.
Spring is about starting anew, and watching everything grow around you. I used to like fall the best out of the all the seasons, but now it’s spring. Mainly it’s about revitalizing your mind and spirit, have a brain reset, and wiping off the winter despondency that afflicts many. There’s more light longer, so you can get outside and play longer (yes I said play). For me, spring is the best time to do whitewater because of all the snow melt. My body and mind felt so perfect and clear after finally being able to get back on the water doing what I love. And pushing myself to the outside my comfort zone, take chances on maneuvers, and revel in the wonder of water, nature, and friends.
Threading the needle on a small drop on the Tohickon Creek in Pipersville, PA. Photograph taken by Kevin O’Neill.
Spring to me is the brain and body reset, the longer days, and the genuine need for people to feel connected again that makes it such a special time of year of revitalization and vigor.
I was sending a text to a friend tonight who needed some encouragement. And all of a sudden I could SEE my path like it was a reality. And it IS a reality, which is the key to my whole being right now. I can see myself at the center of the most positive, enlightened people on the planet, and giving them the gift to change their future. I see myself sponsoring an Olympic C-1 paddler to get their dream of representing their country. I see myself helping EVERY kid who wants to get on the water (paddling, whatever) when they do not have the opportunity to do so. I see myself helping hundreds of people learn how to paddle and learn their sense of confidence.
You are allowed to be human.
I feel calm, almost at peace. Except at the same time my soul is humming with certainty and purpose. For the first time ever, I have a very clear vision of what is to come. I have had a series of epiphanies the last few months, and they have all lead to THIS moment in time. It has never been this clear, and never with this kind of inspired action.
The best part of my above vision? I get to that level of achievement that by helping other people get what they want. For those that know me, it is an innate part of my personality. I crave it like people crave chocolate.
The weirdest part of tonight was I did not consciously make a decision. My mind and soul decided for me. All of a sudden at 9:00 this evening, the timer went “Pop” and it was like an explosion. And right now, it’s like an all-consuming fire running through my veins to cleanse myself and I really want to run like 10 miles.
I feel epically, utterly different than I ever have before. Different than last month by ten-fold. I feel it with a certainty that is unlike any other I have felt before. This is my life, and I am owning it starting TODAY.