Quarantine Day 13-15

Quarantine Day 13

  • The only reason I know it’s day 13 is because I am posting writing these daily. I am with the rest of you in the WTF day is it camp
  • apparently some radio station down in Philly thought it would be amusing to play Christmas songs to really fuck with people’s heads. It seems like something they should have done on april 1st, just sayin
  • I had minimal motivation today. I made myself get up and off the couch at 3 PM. I have mixed feelings about doing that in retrospect…stay tuned
  • Sharing is caring people. Little gestures go a long way any time, but especially right now

Time for my adventure in parks today

  • I scouted online to find a park for the vicinity I was going to be in. I find one, and it’s one I didn’t even know existed. Jug Mountain Reserve. I have lived in that area my entire life, and didn’t know where this place was. There is an obvious reason for this lack of knowledge in my life
  • I use Google maps to get me there, and it takes me down a short driveway. I’m like, um okay. This is clearly not where I am supposed to be. I see signs along the driveway that indicate the park boundary is there. I figure that it must be nearby, and I go try to find it. After about 10 minutes of going up and down this road, I give up. Google you have failed me for the first time in a long time.
  • I did find a cool new farm stand, and will go back there when I need produce.
  • I now look for another park that is close to where I had driven to at that moment. Great, there’s on like 10 minutes from here. Google maps to the rescue! Alas, not so much. It takes me to a private road, where supposedly I go 0.5 miles and the parking lot is there. I am not too keen on this idea. It’s a plague, and I do not need to get feel like getting arrested or shot to go on a hike. I look on Google maps again, and figure it must be further down then. I drive for about 10 minutes, and nothing. Lots of farms, which is always cool. But no park.
  • It becomes crystal clear that Google maps has failed me AGAIN. Now, Google maps have failed me in the past on occasion. But not twice in the same damn day. At this point I am getting frustrated. I just want to go to for a jaunt out into nature at this point. I don’t care what it is
  • I pull up the park brochure, and it gives directions. I think to myself, “okay, I’ll look for that road as a landmark for the park.” I drive back the way I came, and I look for that landmark road. Booyah, there it is!
  • This is just the beginning of this comedy of errors, guys. You will be pissing your pants reading this in a minute.
  • I pull in, and it is empty except for one car. Score! I change into my boots, and put on my hiking backpack. Why am I getting squirted with water?! Probably about 50/50 of you know what a camelback is, so it’s basically a water reservoir that you can sip on easily while hiking. I look down, and the bite valve came off (it’s where the water comes out of). I am like, are you fucking kidding me right now? Universe, what are you trying to tell me here?! Because you know damn well I am NOT getting back into the car! I am too damned stubborn for that. I rig it so the hose is upright, so it doesn’t become like a teething baby and let loose when there’s no diaper. I find the bite valve, and it’s under my car. I clean it off, I reattach it, and I’m off.
  • I came up with a new word. Wike, it’s when it’s not quite a walk and it’s not quite a hike. That’s what this turned out to be. A bit of elevation change at the beginning, about 1/3 of a mile, and then it becomes pretty much flat. It plateaus into a really cool hemlock grove. I haven’t seen a hemlock grove in a long time; thanks in large part to the Wooly Adelgid. This stand seems relatively healthy, and there are several that seem to be dead or dying. It’s still beautiful, and definitely worth the wike up to see it.
  • There is not a single person on this trail after the first 10 minutes. It was awesome and so quiet.
  • I head back at about the two mile mark. I start down the trail. I am walking and looking around. This is not a dicey trail. There are some rocks, but this is a very tame trail by comparison to the others I have been doing. Not that I have been doing anything crazy or intense hiking wise yet.
  • I roll my ankle on a little f-you rock. That’s what we call them in paddling. They are seemingly insignificance rocks that shouldn’t mess you up at all, but they f-you every time. I have been icing it on and off. I thoroughly hope it’s not sore tomorrow, so I’m playing it very safe by icing it now.
  • That ends the comedy of errors. Good news is that I don’t think it’s too badly sprained. I am also obviously off from work, so I can let it rest and heal, if need be. I also made a bunch of kids smile today, so getting off my couch was worth it. Sometimes I need to listen to the universe more because it was basically telling me to go the fuck home.
  • my goddamn radishes froze in my refrig. How freaking hilarious and odd is that?
  • Confession: I don’t like lettuce or salads for the most part. I really have to be the mood for them. For some inexplicable reason, on Saturday I decided to buy Bibb lettuce. Where has Bibb lettuce been all my life? It is so freaking good!! It’s the little things
  • the woman I have been talking to says, you can’t get injured and go to the hospital now! I thought it was wicked cute because it is a mild sprain.

Quarantine Day 14 and a Bazillion

  • It feels like I’ve been in quarantine for a lot longer than 2 weeks. You guys who have been in it like a month, what does it feel like to you?
  • Remember when my internet went out on Friday? They finally showed up today to fix it in the early afternoon, and they were very nice and got it back online. The one redeeming quality of my very slightly sprained ankle is that I wasn’t mad at them for being so late. If I had been able to hike today, and they came that late, I probably would have been PISSED. Right now, it’s a take it easy, watch stuff, and read a bit kind of time.
  • So yup, my ankle is very slightly sprained. It’s a tad sore, but it’s more stiff than anything. I am grateful for that because the way I rolled it yesterday, it could have been worse. Thanks yoga for helping with stronger ankles. I’d rather rest and heal it now than risk a worse injury the next time I go hiking. Because if I have to stay indoors anymore than necessary, I will legit lose my mind.
  • I am both jealous and insanely happy for those that got out today. It was a perfect day out, damn it. I kept reminding myself that it’s temporary, and I’ll get out soon. This is my internal slogan during this. It’s temporary, and eventually we’ll get back to “regular life”. Whatever that means, it’ll be interesting to see what that turns out to be. I’ll admit it was frustrating at times to say the least.
  • I cleaned out a junk bin today, and found all sorts of interesting and funny things. An old planner, and the liquid gold of finds right now. Hand sanitizer. Be jealous my friends. I never could have conceived that would be a thing I would write, and not have an ounce of sarcasm about it being valuable. Do people actually use planners? I seem to buy one, and then after like two weeks never use it again. Kudos to you if you do. Except when my mentor gave me a passion planner. That was bitching and pretty cool.
  • I went out to get an ankle brace because I have an ace bandage, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. As I was checking out, this kid comes right next to me and says not very nicely to the cashier, “do you take cash?” He says, very politely but with gritted teeth, “please step behind the line”. They also have a table placed in front of the cashier to give six feet of space, which I thought was very clever (see previous post about the candy). The kid did not take kindly to this, acted quite offended, and then left the store. The cashier shook his head, and so did I. The most disconcerting part of it was more the kids’ reaction of contempt than anything else.
  • Virtual happy hour with four of my friends! There was laughter, there was solace, and there were puppies and kittens. What else could one want in a plague? I think we will be doing this weekly, yay!
  • My cousin Cindy called because her daughter’s birthday is tomorrow, and we are going to do a zoom birthday conference at 7 to wish and sing her happy brithday! Have I mentioned how the person who created zoom deserves a medal? It’s been a lifesaver, and I’m sure in some cases literally. I am really excited about the ability to do this.
  • I actually did my makeup for the zoom call, so go me.
  • My favorite day of the month was tonight! It’s Training and Recognition for my health and wellness social marketing business. Tonight was even more special because a few of my friends qualified for highest level of management national vice president! I’m so very excited for them; they have worked their ass off for that success and deserve every ounce of it. The trainings were on-point too. There were practical tips, wisdom, inspiration, and gut punches. I love my tribe of inspirational hope dealers
  • Today it was challenge not to get frustrated because it’s so nice out. This time is weird and chaotic. I have to remember to give myself grace during those moments of frustration, lack of motivation, and melancholy. This is temporary, but it’s also a struggle. It’s okay for us not to be okay. The most important part in all of this is doing our best to not judge anyone in this madness. You or anyone else. You do not know their story, and sometimes we don’t even recognize our own. Forgive yourself for not being wonder person right now during this time of crisis. Plagues and quarantines are taxing. Let that shit go. Judgment is never helpful.
  • Stay safe, stay sane, and stay safely connected.

Quarantine Day 15

  • I made protein blueberry pancakes for the first time, and they were AWESOME. And one of them looked like a turtle. Little things guys. It’s always about the little things, but especially now.
  • this is my second day of my self-enforced non-activity for my ankle. Shit is hard, especially because it’s been so beautiful out. I have been exceedingly cautious, but should be back up and running tomorrow. Thanks for all the well wishes!
  • I love Sandra Bullock. The only movie of hers that I have seen and didn’t like was Speed 2. You can’t overcome a shitty plot even with amazing actors. I saw that movie exactly one time, and felt I lost brain cells watching it.
  • I think Hitch is a brilliant romantic comedy. It has everything, the goofy guy who gets the girl. The hot guy who gets the girl, and all with flair and charm that is lacking in rom-coms these days. Fight me.
  • I have one regular standard long gel ice pack. You know what makes a second great ice pack? Frozen peas or dried black eyed peas in a plastic bag frozen. The kind used to make arts and crafts as a kid on construction paper. Why? Because they are malleable when placed on let’s say a joint that is shaped like an ankle. And they can be reused just like an ice pack. Just remember not to eat them if they are the frozen pea variety. Eww, gross
  • I will never, ever take for granted seemingly inconsequential daily personal contact with people ever again.
  • I am starting to struggle a bit. It could be because I haven’t been outside, and that’s definitely a factor. The much bigger factor is people aren’t meant to live in isolation like this. We are social beings. Staying isolated is not good for our mental stability as a whole for human beings. It’s just not how our brain or societal connections work.
  • Please do NOT misunderstand me. The quarantines that are happening are NECESSARY. Could it have been handled differently? Hell yeah. Do I wish that our President would actually understand how serious this is, make an effort to understand the science behind it? Yes. The how we got here doesn’t matter. It is the going forward that does. Making this quarantine as short as possible. Please stop meeting up with people you don’t live with outside your home. Unless it is ONE other person, and as long as you keep safe distance of six feet, I don’t see the problem. I have hiked by myself this entire time, and just about everywhere I have gone, I have seen people practicing social distancing. Don’t ruin this for others by being a jackass
  • I’m a culprit in this, too. I am not infallible that is for damn sure, nor am I an expert. As recently as this past weekend, I was talking about getting a small group of people together for a hike. I did the math today. It is almost impossible to be able to hike as a group “together” if there are more than three people. Even three people are a stretch because that itself would be 18 feet. So, life is about learning from your mistakes and moving on. Hike with ONE other person, but it’s probably best by yourself for the time being.
  • They closed down all the state and even county parks in NJ. The more I think about it; the more I understand why. I think there could have been ways to implement it. Or people could have not been jackasses by using the parks as a place to congregate. If they do the same where I live, I will be legit worried not just for my mental well being, but countless others as well. Being outdoors has been shown to improve mood, reduce anxiety, and boost endorphins. Don’t fuck it up for the rest of us by being a jackass in parks, and using it as a venue to get together socially with people.
  • why don’t they put salsa in a low height but wide container like hummus? It would make it SO much easier when you get the bottom of the jar. Even if you are civilized, and put it on a dish for serving (rare for me), there is no way graceful way to get it out of the jar near the bottom. If you have a method, please share!
  • It’s my cousin Bessa’s birthday today, and we obviously couldn’t get together for her birthday or Easter. So Zoom to the rescue! And my sister figured it out, so proud of her. So as usual wacky family hijinks ensued. Obviously we are not looking to make a habit of this because nothing replaces the shared meal, hugs, and overall family togetherness. During that period of time, we laughed until we cried and/or snorted. I did both. It’s the temporary new normal. I’m glad we have the technology to allow opportunity to share a connection with those we love.
  • Another v-date chat thing tomorrow…I’ll keep you posted. 😀
  • The online dating thing seems to go in spurts, and I’m not sure why. I took the shotgun approach to dating, and am on all different apps. I think that’s how most people do it. FB dating was good at the beginning, and now it’s like the drunk uncle who doesn’t know where to piss.
  • Two huge shout outs: THANK YOU times a bazillion to all the essential workers that helping to keep this country at this time, especially those in the medical field. There are no words that could ever express that gratitude we all owe you. Mwah!
  • To my badass tribe of hilarious and awesome women. You have helped keep me sane the past two days. Mwah to you guys, too

Day two of doing living this, and I REALLY hope it’s the last.

Quarantine Days 7-9

Quarantine Day 7

  • holy hell my abs hurt this morning, and you all with your memes being on point didn’t help
  • Today was a bit frustrating I’m not going to lie. There is very little that I hate more than trying to navigate professional, political, and bureaucratic bullshit. I am going to leave it there because one way or another it will get figured out. It is now out to the ether.
  • After spending almost three days indoors, I was going a little stir crazy. I have immense respect for those of you who sit behind a desk all day. I couldn’t do it. When I did do it for about six months, I’m pretty sure I was a miserable human being..
  • As soon as I walked out the door, I instantly felt better. I had a short window of time, but that’s all I needed. There’s an arts trail close to my house, and it’s near a creek. So both of those are a big win for me. I have always found water to be a calming balm to my soul. I spent 40 minutes walking along that path, and I felt like a new person. For me, that’s all it took for a total mental reset.
  • I am so grateful to have so many friends that check in on me on a routine basis.
  • I’m probably going to have a video chat date later in the week, and I’m pretty excited about that. We seem to get along really well 😀
  • This virtual happy hour is a great way to connect, and is SO much fun. We had people in four different states come together for bonding, laughter, and drinking. And all the puppies and kitties made appearances. Great conversations about important things, and also mundane life stuff. It doesn’t match the experience of meeting in person, but it’s the best we have. I’m grateful for the ability to connect with those near and far. Thanks internet!
  • Whoever created the app Zoom is a genius, and did a great job. Well played, sir.
  • The inanimate object winners for this plague: zoom, memes, and alcohol (if that’s your thing). I am really not exaggerating about that. The first two especially I believe are keeping relatively sane.
  • In memes and Andrew Cuomo we trust
  • Does anyone else think Andrew Cuomo should run for President? Is it too late? Because he would probably win.
  • I love that I can learn about nutrition for my health and wellness company, and how to encompass a fundamental lifestyle shift from my couch. Thanks Dr. Tanda, you were phenomenal
  • My awesome downstairs neighbor was kind enough to bring me some vegan chili, and it was damn good. Thanks Dawn for dinner and the tasty treat that went with it! I really have such an amazing life, in spite of how challenging life is at the moment (today I tested that hypothesis); pick something every day smile about. These are scary times right now, but temporary. Stay safe, stay sane, and stay safely connected ❤

Quarantine day 8

  • I really think the only reason I know what day of quarantine it is from writing these journal entries. People seem to be enjoying, which is cool. They are also cathartic for me.
  • Today was the first day where I truly had no motivation to do anything. I think a lot of it has to do with the weather. It better get sunny, or it’s not just me that will be having a hard time. I have basically spent four days inside, and today that choice was all mine.
  • I made my ass get up and get outside. I really deserve to remind myself that I always feel better doing so. The struggle was real today, and we’ll get through it.
  • I went on a walk today on the arts trail again. How is this different from yesterday? Yesterday was more like a mediation to relieve stress and center myself. Today was more about me needing a kick in the ass to get motivated. Thanks Mikki for helping me get out there. I love my tribe of badasses so much
  • I walked about 3 miles according to my Samsung tracker. I am seriously starting to doubt my Samsung Health app, and I have a feeling it has to do with elevation change.
  • For the past couple of days I have heard what sounds like scrubbing on the adjacent home to my apartment. I thought they were scrubbing walls because of this virus, but why would you have to do it so many times a day? Then I thought maybe they are doing home improvement projects like sanding. I’ll keep you posted.
  • Flirting has always been such a challenge, and it hasn’t gotten any better virtually or online. If you’ve got flirting skills, help a girl out 😀
  • I could get used to be called sexy…it’s nice to be recognized as such.
  • Friends of mine in my health and wellness company went into qualification for National Vice President. For those of you who don’t know, that’s an epically big deal. It’s the top qualification level in the company, and they haven’t been doing it that long. They busted their asses to reach this point. I could not be more proud of these women whom I have had the privilege to watch from day one of their journey. So much love to Bonnie and her daughters. You all deserve the massive success you are achieving right now
  • I had a bit of a scare with a friend of mine tonight, and she’s all good. She just went off the grid a bit, which I can empathize with.
  • I love when I can find another woman who appreciates driving stick shift as much as I do. Or really any gender at this point. It’s a dying art.
  • I had leftover sweet potatoes from the other day, and I decided to try something different. So I made sweet potato fries myself, and they were outrageously good.
  • I can’t wait for the oven part to get here. I rarely use my oven, but now that it’s not working quite right, I want to use it. I’m a stubborn bitch, I know. I’m proud of it, too. Most of the time it serves me well.

Quarantine day 9

  • I had a fulfilling day today
  • It’s my sister’s birthday, and the plan was for me to go for dinner, etc.
  • I call my parents around 10 AM, and say hey I don’t think that it’s a good idea for me to be there because I have been exposed to the public (I worked until last Tuesday). My parents are older, and my dad is especially is at high risk. I suggest we call or zoom, and I will sing happy birthday over the phone with all of you. My mom surprisingly agreed now is the time to be cautious. I was pleasantly surprised, because I expected a battle. My parents are learning this threat is real, and to not take it lightly
  • I figured out a different plan. My parents needed some stuff from the store anyway, and I called back with a revised plan. I’d pick up the groceries from the store; bring it off at my parents; exchange presents with my sister and the family, and then go home. Everyone wins! I love how my mind works sometimes
  • My friend Mel who lives in NYC birthday is also today, she did a zoom to celebrate her bday. Everyone on there lived in NYC or the surrounding area. It is eerily quiet I guess. It was nice to see and chat with her (it’s probably been three years since I saw her in person). Technology is wonderful. The virus was all anyone could talk about for the most part, and it made the threat all the more real
  • I belong to a FB group that is pure joy and supportiveness (yes apparently it does exist!) It’s the unicorn of FB groups. There are a number of people in there that are: older, high risk, autoimmune, or house-bound. I have always been a helper. I post on the group if anyone needs anything because I’m going to the store. I now not only have a plan, but I have benefactors of said plan. I am not looking to be made a hero here. There are others who deserve that praise. I will take credit for being a good person who loves to help those in need, when and if I can.
  • I go to said store and score the ultimate in purchases: toilet paper (add that to the list of 100+ things I never, ever thought I would say and mean)
  • This took longer than expected. My mom has an uncanny knack for calling when I pull into the driveway asking where I am. It’s a thing. Apparently my mom had my sister text basically ask where the hell are you as I am pulling into the driveway. Some things never change
  • I unload what my I got my parents, and bring in my sisters present. I am really happy that I thought of this plan. It is minimal exposure to my family and I get to see my sister experience her birthday. I will never, ever take hugging for granted again. It is almost painful not to hug my family. This is a big deal, and those who know me well understand why
  • My parents wanted a pack of the toilet paper out of the one I got for my friend (it’s a big pack). I try to explain that she is paying for this toilet paper, and you have plenty. Nope they want a pack. I sigh and give her a call. She being the wonderful person that she is says no problem. And my parents being the wonderful people they are pay for the toilet paper. Everybody wins, and I don’t feel like a total prick for telling my parents they can’t have the toilet paper someone else was going to pay for.
  • Yes this was a real conversation in fucking 2020, and I almost wet my pants when I got in the car. I couldn’t make this shit up.
  • I drop off said groceries to the two people who really need them, and they are so epically happy. They paid for them. It makes my WHOLE entire day. It feels so good to give back to a community that has given me so much
  • I head home. I am feeling very content and very happy that I got to please just about everyone today. That is a rare day even when there isn’t a pandemic
  • I pull over because the sunset is just ridiculously beautiful and majestic.
  • The girl I’ve been texting back and forth with, whom I really like, responds to my request for a video call. I say “great, what time works?” She says “now”, and I’m thinking okay. There’s a park right there, so that works. I really don’t feel like getting arrested for being in a random parking lot during a plague. Also, thanks Verizon (without any sarcasm for once) for increasing my data plan because for once you gave back to your customer base. I do mean for once.
  • It went pretty well. I am going to call it a random but awesome v-chat. It was fun, and it was nice to see her. The conversation flowed really well, and I felt a spark of chemistry. I have no idea what will happen, and we will see. Who knows. She lives pretty far from here.
  • I come home, and I have so many thoughts swirling in my brain as tends to happen on occasion. I make dinner, and it was awesome. Stir-fry awesomeness for the win.
  • Stay safe, stay sane, stay safely connected. Let there be love for all of us in unexpected places

Quarantine Day 4-6

Quarantine Day 4

  • Productive day today. I called the gas company about the gas problem. They said, do you know if there’s a problem. I said, “um, the gas keeps shutting off”. Them: “we can’t send someone out until we know there’s a problem.” The gas keeps shutting off, that would indicate a gas problem, right?
  • I call the landlord and fill him in. He basically says, find someone who is not going rape me with a service call charge. Me, um okay? I guess
  • I call a few appliance services. One says, it’s $140 just to come out. Another says, “basically screw you, I’m not coming” (honestly can’t really blame him). The third guy says, “I’ll call you later. Calls later, I’ll be out there tomorrow. I’m paid for my time.” DONE DEAL DUDE.
  • Another hike! Yay! I am epically grateful for any time spent outside. I miss my paddling time. I miss that connection, and more than anything I miss the challenge of nailing lines that are a bit outside my comfort zone. For those that don’t know me very well, get your mind of out of the gutter. When I refer to paddling, I mean canoeing, this time. 😉
  • At least I’m getting my ass in shape. It is getting better than a week ago, but still got a ways to go.
  • I am on quarantine day four. Holy schnikes to you guys going on two weeks. This shit is a challenge for sure. To those of you who are single and quarantined, PM me. Let’s chat about how challenging this is, and do it together.
  • Sigh, I finished the plantain chips.
  • On my way back from hiking I stopped by CVS. I was looking for antiseptic for someone in one of the groups I belong to. Her husband is an essential employee, and they don’t provide it. They didn’t have it, and I am not surprised at all.
  • However, remember the thing I said about gummi things (e.g. sour patch kids) being my kryptonite. If someone can figure out a more eloquent way to say gummi things, please tell me. I’ll just refer to them as sour patch kids because that’s what I buy 95% of the time. I figured this was my chance to get some. I was vulnerable, hungry, and it’s a fucking pandemic. I want sour patch kids. Those tricky bastards at CVS put tables in front of the counter. Six feet worth, and I am impressed for a couple of reasons. Numero uno : I can’t get to the smallest bag of sour patch kids. Since I really don’t want to crawl underneath a table, I need to grab a bigger bag. Now, I’m a scientist by trade. I’m weighing my options. A bag of sour patch kids or a pint of ice cream? I choose sour patch kids because they are cheaper, and I get more for my buck. So I get the smallest bag of sour patch kids, and go to the counter. The safety aspect of the tables is impressive too.
  • You know what it says on it? 3.5 servings! What kind of savage does that? Good for you if you can resist the power of sour patch kids. I finish the box in the time it takes to get home. I have some willpower; I didn’t get the bigger box.
  • I will either end up chiseled or 20 pounds heavier with a drinking problem. I shit you not.
  • We had a facebook messenger chat with video of mostly my paddling friends, and it was really awesome to connect, even if it has to be temporarily virtually. It was chaotic, awesome, and so human. I loved every minute of it.
  • I love my tribe of badasses. Tonight we talked with a variety of people who could not have been more different, and yet we were all the same. We are all challenged by this new normal. Mel rocks by being vulnerable, and saying this shit is tough, let’s get together.

Quarantine Day 5

  • The appliance guy is coming at 1, so clean up around the stove and kitchen area. I have this collection of corks that I have been gathering for years, and I actually put them into mugs. I briefly consider if he’ll judge, and promptly conclude I don’t care.
  • He comes, early I might add. What service guy comes early? I’d highly recommend this guy, and his name is Steve Houseknecht. Very professional, and also won’t waste your time. And of course it didn’t do the thing it has been doing. He says, look this happens all the time. I will tell your landlord that you are not crazy. He leaves around 1:30.
  • I SWEAR this is the universe being like, stop trying to bake bitch, and stick to your stir-fry and your amoeba pancakes. Because you are really good at improvising there.
  • I leave the oven on because I KNOW it will happen. Before he leaves, he says take a pic or video of when it happens. It clicks off at 1:45. I call him, and say, “I’m sure you are on your way to your next call, but it just clicked off.” I sent him the video. He called my landlord, and we are waiting on parts.
  • I belong to this amazing fb group that is literally just a bunch of women supporting women, and having FUN. The best thing about this is who knew such a thing could exist on FB with NO drama might I add. It’s glorious, and I am grateful just about every day for its existence. It’s become a sanctuary in the vast negativity that is facebook right now.
  • This whole plague is really cramping my dating life, but I am getting to know people better before meeting them. So that’s cool, but I’m ready for real-life interaction. Stay the hell home so I can get do that.
  • I do have a virtual date tomorrow. If anyone has any pointers for this, please let me know. This is such an odd, new normal. It’s temporary, and I’ll be grateful for the lessons. That’s the attitude I’m striving to remember.
  • No hiking today because it was miserable out. I did however do a yoga session that kicked my abs, and I took my Arbonne hydration and after workout to help alleviate the agony of tomorrow. I will keep you posted. You guys better not be on point with the memes.
  • I am a little under a half into my potato lasagna, which I’m going to freeze now. If I can find any room in my freezer, anyway. The struggle is real right now. I’m so glad I didn’t buy the bigger bag of sour patch kids
  • Improv dinner! What I had thawed seemed a tad past due, and if it was any other time, I would have cooked it. But I don’t need to get food poisoning during a plague.
  • I really like Brussels sprouts drizzled in oil olive and sautéed with garlic and some other spices. Due to the lack of a protein, and what I had in my fridge, I figured I’d do bacon-wrapped Brussels sprouts. If you like Brussels sprouts, DO NOT DO THIS. You will be ruined for life. They were ridiculously good. I really thought I snapped a pic of the delicious little nuggets, but apparently I ate them too fast. They were a great appetizer before my main stir-fry course with about a bazillion veggies.
  • Stay safe, stay sane, and stay safely connected. That’s my new slogan for this quarantine for the plague. All three are essential for us to get through this.

20200328_235053645852268190262698.jpgQuarantine Day 6

  • I’m really enjoying doing these. It’s a great way for me to get back into the daily habit of writing
  • I love my business. I was making breakfast and listening to a training at the same time. It was awesome. Voxer for the win
  • I made chocolate chip protein pancakes this morning, and they are looking more oblong than amoeba-like. They were also banging. Super dark chocolate for the win 😁
  • Progress! See universe I listened. I’m sticking with awesome stirfry combinations and breakfast for the moment
  • I showered, put on clean clothes, a bra, and makeup today. It’s the first time I’ve done all four of those in awhile. According to my tribe of ever supportive badass women, I looked radiant 😀
  • First virtual date was just like most other first dates, but for sure a little weirder. It was a little awkward; a little strange, but overall decent, I think. Not sure if there’s chemistry, but it might be hard to gauge virtually. She’s smart, and the conversation flowed pretty well. So at the very least, I’ll probably end up with a new friend. I’ll take that too. The new normal for dating. I’ve waited long enough to be truly myself, and embrace finding love. I’ll be damned if I let this plague get in the way. I love a challenge
  • Did I mention I have the best group of friends and community on the planet? The amount of support, love, and comments regarding my virtual date made me tear up. I almost cried this afternoon. I am so incredibly grateful to have found another empowering group of women. I am very humbled and very grateful today. You all rock.
  • I am so epically glad it will be sunny tomorrow.
  • You know what the weird thing about dating in general, even before this whole worldwide plague, is how there are like a bazillion women out there to sort through rather easily. It only takes a handful to figure out what you are looking for, and conversely what you are not looking for. I guess that was always dating was like. It’s just easier, but at the same time harder to make a genuine connection than it ever was. I don’t know…I’m not in the convincing business. I’m in the sorting business. Trying to convince anyone of anything is not a good way to go about doing things. Especially when regarding personal relationships. Deep thoughts by me
  • I was chatting with someone, and totally forgot to eat dinner. Until I went downstairs, and was like I really need to eat something. Turkey jerky it is. I really regretted freezing that lasagna at that moment, that was would have been useful. Oops
  • Most of you are on like day 15+ of this quarantine. I am on Day 6. In the tri-state area, we basically got told today that this is going to last a lot longer than expected. This nation and world we are tough. And we will get through this. Hopefully we’ll learn the lessons
  • This was basically Earth telling us, all of you have been a bunch of greedy assholes for too long. I am putting you ALL in time out. The earth always wins. You know what? It’s working. Fossil fuel emissions are down. Air pollution is down dramatically. For those of you who said we couldn’t cut greenhouse emissions. Well clearly we can. It’s a matter of doing it effectively and strategically.
  • We did this quarantine because if we didn’t the affects would be catastrophic, and if we did the worse thing that could happen is people bond. WHY CAN’T WE APPLY THIS LOGIC TO CLIMATE CHANGE. The data is just, if not more terrifying, than the long-term affects of covid-19
  • Remember that yoga class I took? My abs are a little sore today, but not terrible. I have a feeling tomorrow it will hurt to laugh. In this case, I’ll take a little pain. It means I was doing the exercises right. A little change to the cliché, no pain, no appreciation of the work to achieve progress.
  • I love that people are playing board games, jigsaw puzzles, and everything other family game I played as a kid. It’s awesome.
  • Can we get a collective shoutout to all the first responders, medical personnel (in every industry and category), vet techs, group home workers, grocery store retailers, truckers, manufacturers, etc that are still busting their asses every day. Sometimes jeopardizing their own safety in the process, and in some cases I’m not even referring the virus. There are so many people out there trying to keep this increasingly serious situation from getting worse.
  • To the unsung heroes beyond those listed: the stay at home moms (or dads) and teachers that are improvising on the fly to make this work. You guys all rock my socks off, and I have so much respect for you. I had respect for you long before this, but I’m sure it crystalized respect for teachers for a lot of people
  • I am epically grateful to have soo many socks, and they are almost all mismatched. You are welcome. Life is too short to match socks, fight me. Heather, sorry if that triggered your OCD.

20200413_151331531124361848678734.jpg

Pain and Acceptance of the Rainbow Bridge

The decision was made to put my dog down last Saturday, and we all knew it was coming.  He had a fantastic, long life, but it doesn’t prepare you for the pain of losing a pet.  I asked why it was called the Rainbow Bridge, and several people linked me to the story.  I didn’t find any solace in it at all, and in fact just the opposite.  So below is my version of the Rainbow Bridge. Farewell my baby boy, I hope you catch all the squirrels. xoxo

Version 2

My mom with Doonie

Pain and Acceptance of the Rainbow Bridge (c) A. Krukovsky 2018

There’s a

Void,
a Hole,
a Gap

in my
Soul

which
Cannot be
filled

with logic
or reason.

It sometimes doesn’t
Feel
real,
then it can be so

Painfully Real that
I can’t
Breathe.

I know You have
Gone,
and that is was
your Time.

it might be terrible, but
I don’t take
much
Solace in that
fact.

there is still only
Pain and
Loss.

You were always there to
Comfort,
Soothe, and
Snuggle

whenever we
Needed you to.

and now it’s an

Empty Blanket,

left vacant and cold.

I can’t come to Peace with that,
even Days later.

May we find each other in
another life,
at another time,
where there will only be

Beauty,
Snuggles,
Kisses, and
Frolicking to be had.

None of this Pain that
Haunts me.

I know the grief will get better, but
It hasn’t Yet.

Despite all this Grief,
I do take Comfort
in Knowing
there is

Beauty and
Purpose

in all things.

Even in grief and loss.

May we meet again
in this life or another,

Until then
I will Cherish
the memories of the

Snuggles and
Love

We had for
Each
other.

 

Myth of Self-Depreciation Humor

I am from Jersey, which means a few things. I know what a jughandle is; we understand how to navigate a traffic circle, and we not only talk sarcasm we breed it. I get it. I have done it. I lived it, been proud of it. We wear sarcasm like armor.  There is sarcasm which can be witty, and then there is self-depreciation “humor”.

The more time I have spent with my family recently, whom I love dearly, it is readily apparent how frequently some of them use the latter as a deflection tactic in the aim of humor that I used for years. No one likes a person who takes themselves too seriously, but there is a line between light-hearted banter and consistently put yourself down.  It is not funny to actively break your own self down. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because your brain doesn’t know what is true and what isn’t.  If you say it enough times, even if it was jokingly at first, it becomes a reality in your mind.  A reality that is incredibly challenging to break.  I did this for years. And there’s a reason people do it.

day stop self-destruction

Depending on your life experiences, it can be easy to make fun of yourself. You may say, “easy?”  If this is your reaction, I am epically happy for you.  If you come from a background of belittling, bullying or abuse it becomes is a defense mechanism. In one’s mind they think, “what must this person be thinking about me? I’ll short circuit their thinking and prevent their verbal strike by making myself smaller.” What is the one thing above anything else that human beings protect themselves against from an evolutionary perspective? Being hurt and pain. It’s instinctual and biological, and fighting instinct is a formidable task. Eventually when you experience that much emotional pain, the self-depreciation humor becomes like Captain American’s protective shield. I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now, and it became crystal clear today when I heard it multiple times from multiple people I care about. These are smart and successful people who have no business saying they are a loser or lazy.

goal bullshit story

On the opposite side of all this are the people who have hurt you in the past. I am not saying whatever they did was justified because it most likely wasn’t.  I have come to the conclusion that most people do not mean to be hurtful in their actions. Most people love and act the best way they know how, and sometimes it’s incredible destructive because that’s all they have been taught. It sucks on both ends of the interaction.

One of the most painful parts of this discovery is how real this reality has been for me.  I am certain I did this on a daily basis. It is the self-worth onion that is continually evolving. It literally pains me to hear the ones I love say these things about themselves. Because I know it’s not true.  It also makes things so much clearer as to why I did it for so long.  It’s what I knew.

permission

I don’t have a solution to this. The armor is kind of like the Emperor’s new clothes. It is not real. And eventually that armor actually ends up being more of a self-penetrating device because it punctures your self-confidence every time you use your self-imposed ammunition of protection.

Light and Shadow

I
Breathe
in
the

Cold,
Damp
air

as
Darkness
surrounds.

Light
is
bouncing Off
the River
in a
kind of

Dance.

I Let
the
Darkness
Surround
my

Five
Senses

as I
Submerse
myself

in the

Restorative
Energy
of

Light

and

Shadow.

The Shift

Every
Life
Shift

is a
Call

for a

Mental
Reset.

a
Sign of
personal
Progress

Towards
being
the
Best

You.

You’ve
got to
Build

towards
the

Shift.

this isn’t
Magic,
it’s
Work.

My life
and
Mind
has been
Preparing
me

for This

Shift
Moment.

It is a
Break.

signifying
Rebirth
from the
Ashes
of

Poverty.

of
Spirit
and
Mind.

It is
Time
to

Break
the

Cycle of

Doubt.

to
Severe
Limiting
Ties

And
live a
Brave
new
Life
of
Expectation

and
Decided
Determination.

So it Begins

Where do
we Go
from

Here?

I don’t
Know.

This is what
I
Do
know.

Love
trumps hatred.

This is
an
Inflection
Point
for our
Country.

I never
Thought
it would
Come to this.

But it has.

It is
Our
Duty
to show up

Even
Bigger.

Be bigger
than
Hate
and
Repression.

be
Bigger than
Disappointment
and
Anger.

Be the
Light.

Show them
Why
We
Will
Not
Back
Down.

It’s in
our
Blood.

We are
not quitters.

We are
the
Beginning
of a
Revolution.

the
Revolution
of
Love
we
are

Echoing out
to the
World.

This
is
Our
Time.

to
Show
what can be
Done.

It is
our
Responsibility
to show
the world

We are
Better
than

This.

So
it

Begins.

Day 1, Gym 1

Updated for full review.

This is going to be short due to it being late, but my first day of this was pretty cool.  I took a Barre Fitness which is kind of like a bootcamp featuring yoga, all sorts of body movement, and a bit of dance that was a whole body workout.  It was an unique experience because I’ve never done a class outside of paddling and yoga, and it was intense and yet not.  I really liked the instructor who was a good blend of sass, technique, and encouragement.  One of my classmates, who has been doing it for awhile, called her .  I’m curious to see how sore I am tomorrow.  It was at Cornerstone Health and Fitness in New Hope, PA.  And the whole vibe of the place was laid-back, but very informative and not salesy (is that a word?) at all.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, and am looking forward to going back.

When I got an official tour of the place, membership services, etc.  The woman asked me if I was used to gyms because I didn’t have much trouble during the class.  Which I thought was both a compliment and an intriguing question, because I am not a gym person.  I have been a member infrequently, and not anytime recently.  It made me think that maybe Maria was onto something with this challenge and suggestion.  I will keep you guys posted.

Morning Soreness update:  Surprisingly not that sore.  Yay for Arbonne hydration, post workout shake, and stretching before bed.