There comes a time in every milestone, progressive moment, and breakthrough where your fear of staying the same outweighs your fear of the unknown. In addition, there is also the moment when you realize that you have to get out of your own way, your own head, and just freaking do it already. You reach the tipping point of your mediocrity.
I just had the moment that has been building for a while. The catalyst was unexpected. A friend posted a picture of her mom walking six weeks after a stroke. This woman defied odds and doctors by walking, and one of my relatives is an amazing survivor of three strokes in a two month period. In my head I thought, “and what limitation are you suffering from to limit my potential?” Nothing except the most important one of all: my old story that I am not good enough.
Photograph taken by Pete Kreiger. A moment of quiet reflection in Florida.
Last year at this time I was pushed to my brink by forces outside my control, and it got my ass in gear big time. Crisis equals problem to solve, which for me is something I can and do tackle with gusto. I sit here with tears in my eyes, and reflecting on the year that was 2016. Amazing, powerful, emotionally one of the hardest of my life in very different ways than last year.
I am changing and growing. I am getting past the obstacles of the past few months. I am moving towards OWNING my breakthroughs and break them down brick by brick with a sledgehammer. Fear the dragon or be the dragon.
The Demon and Choice
The little things I have been ignoring in my life are like a pile of brush near an ember on the edge of a forest waiting to be lit. Those little things that I KNEW deep down I had to and deserved change in order to be my best self rose up to become big fiery ball to slay me. The choice becomes yours. Let it slay you, and cower in the fear of your own demons forever in its shadow. Or you rise up and slay your fear with a fury you didn’t know you had. Fear does not like to be challenged, and it will wither like a brushfire with no fuel. It is just waiting on you to grow a set, and slug it like Muhammad Ali on fight night. To take no prisoners. To be the dragon that slays the crouching demon within.
The last few months I have been living in the status quo. I have been working my business and my life, but not to the degree I should have been. More importantly, not to the degree I deserve to be.
Every time I have pushed myself it’s because of something I didn’t really understand. College I pushed to get a degree, but why? I went district manager because I had a day to complete something I worked so hard for, and I was going to be damned if I didn’t make it. I truly don’t know what happened when I completed Area Manager with Arbonne. It was quite honestly a blur of phone calls, activity, and wonderful mayhem. Inspired action is the magic word.
This push is different, and it’s different because I realize WHY I am pushing. In some ways it is worse. Before, I wasn’t thinking of why. I was ignorance on fire. I was focused on the result, which will get you to a certain point. I did not have a reason of my story of why I wanted something bigger. It was a different push. It was an external push, so to speak. My previous pushes and epiphanies were fueled by grief and/or stress.
The push I am having now is internal. I have realized my reason for doing this business, and going for it so big that it scares the living schnikes out of me. Internal pushes are as scary as any class four rapid, any height (I’m really scared of heights), or any disappointment in myself. They will push you to the brink, and then beyond if you choose to take the challenge.
I have never backed down from a challenge, and I’m certainly not going to start now.
A few months ago my mentor in Arbonne had a vision retreat. I was in the midst of one of a series of life-defining events that catapulted me into rage, determination, and focus like no other. It was a respite from the craziness that had consumed my life, and I was deeply grateful for the trainings, inspiration, and passion that came from it.
I left there with inspired, determined action that I never believed I could do before. I didn’t know this would make this much of an impact on me, and spur into action that I never dreamed was possible. I finally understand momentum.
The definition of momentum according to the Oxford Dictionary is “the impetus and driving force gained by the development of a process or course of events.” Once you have it, and I have had it on a few different occasions before, it is both scary and exhilarating. It is exhilarating for obvious reasons. It is scary because momentum comes with certain expectations, especially if you capitalize on it. It goes back to my fear of success, which I wrote about before. It is about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable; going for it and not caring about failing, and most importantly, it is about showing yourself that you can conquer that fear of achievement.
The best part about momentum? It is Contagious. I am literally smiling all the time, and I can feel this hum inside of me. I am full of energy and excitement that threatens to cover everyone with glitter and unicorn dust. My determination born out of chaos, and the need to be responsible for my own environment has set my soul on fire. And I’m going to keep going in spite of my fears of success, vulnerability, and change until I get where I want to be.